The SetUp
by PurpleRanger
Summary: Flandus. Billy and Willem notice their friends flirting and decide to do something about it. M for language, a little bit of naughtiness.


**Disclaimer: **I don't know any of these people. And obviously it didn't happen.

**Warnings: **cheesiness, swearing, man-on-man, naughty stuff

**A.N.: **Let's not even mention how little I've written lately. I have shit like a job and a life. Which is too bad, but that's that.

Thank you to my beta and wonderful person, **Edokun519**. She's the best. You guys should read her Flandus story about them being late to convention panels.

~PurpleRanger

**The Set-Up**

Billy Connolly is on his fifth cup of coffee – and they haven't even been on set very long. The long hours that troy insists on are starting to take their toll on the comedian, making him need excessive amounts of caffeine just to function enough to film this movie. Troy is a great guy, but this is driving Billy insane.

Willem Dafoe walks over and stands beside the Scotsman. "They're at it again," he says quietly, shaking his head and grinning.

"Who is at what again?" Billy asks, utterly perplexed. He follows Willem's gaze, and then it dawns on him. "Oh," he says, smiling now as well. "They should spend less time flirting and more time doing their fucking jobs," he adds jokingly. "Then maybe we wouldn't have such long days."

Rolling his eyes, Willem shakes his head. "They work when Troy tells them to. Our wonderful director is the one causing long days, not Norm and Sean's supposedly 'brotherly' teasing and bantering."

"When real brothers act like that, it's called incest," Billy agrees. "They don't seem to notice, though, so is it really flirting? I mean, they're both straight."

"They might think they're straight, Billy, but for Christ's sake, look at them!" As Willem says that, Sean reaches up and tucks a little piece of Norman's hair behind the younger man's ear.

Billy watches. "Okay, fine," he says, agreeing grudgingly.

Willem's little grin suddenly gets larger and the twinkle in his eye seems almost conniving. "Want to have some fun and fuck with them?" he asks his older companion.

"How so?" Billy asks cautiously. "They're our friends, Willem. I'm not going to hurt them. Physically or emotionally."

The younger man shakes his head. "We won't hurt them. We'll help them," he explains quietly. "Get them together, you know?"

Billy nods slowly. "And just how do we do that?" he asks.

Willem opens his mouth to answer, but at that moment Troy yells for everybody to come back to get to work. "Come up to my room tonight and we'll make a plan," he tells Billy.

~oOoOoOo~

Battle Plan for Operation Set-Up Costars

By Billy Connolly and Willem Dafoe

lock them alone in the makeup trailer after work one day.

write them love notes – anonymous, but hinting at being from the other.

LAST RESORT – plants sex toys in one of their rooms when both will be going there. With something incriminating – like a picture of the other, next to a dildo and a half-used bottle of lube.

"If it comes to that, _you_ are buying the dildo," Billy tells Willem flatly.

~oOoOoOo~

Norman Reedus is practically dead on his feet when he walks into the makeup trailer. He has gotten maybe five hours of sleep over the past few days, due to a combination of a grueling filming schedule and time spent with Sean after work.

He wouldn't change that, though. He loves spending time with Sean. The older man is funny, interesting, kind… fuck, if Flanery were a girl, Norman would date her.

He quickly pushes that thought from his mind. Sean Patrick Flanery is very much a man, and Norman is very much straight. No sense in even thinking about if things were different.

The dark-haired actor changes quickly from his costume to his regular clothes – though they look pretty much the same. He is just sitting down in a chair to rest for a minute when Sean walks in.

Unlike Norman, Sean is still a ball of energy. He is moving around so much, in fact, that he doesn't hear the lock click after he shuts the door, or see that the inside key is missing.

"So, I was thinking we should go to some bar tonight," Sean says, demonstrating, as always, that he has no concept of an inside voice. "Grab a bite to eat, drink some beer, just relax." he really just wants to spend some time with his younger costar. Norman is interesting and quietly witty, a nice foil to Sean's own exuberant self.

Tired as he is, Norman finds himself nodding and telling Sean that those plans sound just great. "Change out of your costume and we'll go."

Sean isn't modest by any stretch of the imagination, but Norman is so quiet the elder always feels that changing in front of him would make him feel uncomfortable. So he steps into a side room and changes. He puts his costume away and grabs his car keys. "Let's fuckin' go," he says with a little grin. He cracks himself up sometimes. Almost always, actually.

Norman stands up with a groan. "Troy is working us to the bone," he complains. "I can't wait for the weekend."

"Me either," Sean sighs. "But it's only Wednesday. Two more fucking days. He walks with Norman to the door, turns the knob, and pulls.

Nothing happens.

"Fuck." Sean yanks the doorknob again, but it just rattles the tiniest bit. "Well, the fact it moves like that seems to show it's locked, not stuck," he informs Norman as calmly as possible.

"So where's the key?" Norman asks. They both look at the lock, but the key isn't there.

"I'll look on the counter, you look through the stuff on the shelf," Sean directs, beginning to sift through the mess on the cluttered Formica countertop.

Ten minutes later, both men are empty-handed. The key doesn't seem to be in the trailer, as they have looked everywhere. "Now what?" Norman asks, frustrated and getting cranky. "I refuse to spend the night in here. This isn't a living trailer so there's no fucking bathroom."

"As I see it, we have three options," Sean says. "We can jimmy the lock, break down the door, or crawl out the window." He points to the only window big enough to fit through; it's at head-height. "And I don't know about you, but I can't pick locks.

Norman shrugs. "I can't either. And that window looks too high. I think we could break through the door if we hit it together."

Sean grins widely. He loves this sort of thing. "Come on, then, Reedus," he says, backing away from the door a bit. Once Norman is beside him and ready, he counts down from three, then runs full-tilt at the door.

Being in better shape, Sean hits the door a split second before Norman. The door breaks from their combined weight and they tumble out together, landing in a heap of tangled arms and legs, with Sean on top.

Norman blushes and looks away from the man on top of him, remembering his earlier thoughts of dating Sean were either of them girls. It isn't like he finds anything attractive in the firm, muscled body that is draped over his own pale frame.

Seeing Norman blush, Sean quickly rolls off his friend and stands up. The younger man must feel awkward with another man on top of him, and Sean doesn't blame him in the slightest. He feels awkward on top of another man; he is straight and thus only ever on top of women.

He offers a hand to Norman and pulls him up off the ground. "You okay?" he asks. "Nothing broken?"

When Norman assures him that this is the case, Sean relaxes a bit. "Let's go find Troy and tell him what happened. Someone must have locked the door, thinking the trailer was empty."

~oOoOoOo~

Billy and Willem sit on the comfortable bed in Willem's hotel room, looking at their enumerated plan sadly. "Well, number one was a bust," Willem announces as he crosses it out. "Onto number two. Are you any good at love notes?"

The Scotsman shrugs. "We'd better each write one," he suggests. "So they aren't in the same style or handwriting. Disguise your writing if you can. I'll do one to Sean."

"I'll do one to Norm," Willem replies, taking out two sheets of lined paper and giving one to Billy. "When we're done, let's compare them to make sure they don't look like they're from the same person."

A couple hours later, they are satisfied with their notes. They grin conspiratorially, excited to see how their costars will react.

~oOoOoOo~

When Sean walks into the makeup trailer, the first thing he sees is that there is a folded-up piece of lined paper taped to the mirror. On closer examination, he sees his name is on it, in unrecognizable handwriting. He takes it off the mirror and begins to read.

_Dear Sean,_

_I am too shy and quiet to tell you my feelings in person, or even to let you know who I am. But I adore everything about you._

_You never fail to make me laugh. Even when I am unhappy, tired, or over-worked, you can put a smile on my face._

_Though you present yourself as obnoxious and teasing, you are a kind man, and loyal to your friends._

_And looks? You are handsome, fit, sexy, athletic, gorgeous, muscled, beautiful… and, if I may say so, certainly the older brother._

_I can't bring myself to sign my name… but Sean, I am falling madly in love with you. I can only hope that you feel the same way._

Sean's mouth hands open in surprise as he finishes the letter. He is still in shock when Norman walks through the door.

"Sean, man, you okay?" Norman asks, looking worriedly at his friend. "Is the letter bad news or something?"

Sean wordlessly hands over the paper. Once he finishes reading, Norman smiles. "So you've got an admirer," he says. "No cause to seem so surprised."

A tiny feeling stirs in his brain. A feeling of… was that _possessiveness_? He only lets himself think of it for a moment, then shrugs it off. Sean is his best friend here in Toronto, so of course he feels possessive. He doesn't want some girl taking up all of Sean's time, because if that happens then he will have no best friend to hang out with.

"It's a weird letter!" Sean says indignantly, finally recovered enough to speak. "They say I'm the older brother! It's true, yeah, but that means they were looking while we filmed that naked scene!"

"True, my ass," Norman scoffs. "This chick must have been so concentrated on your dick that she didn't even glance at my substantially larger one."

"If she didn't glance, it means it's unimpressive," Sean replies. The makeup artists come in at this point, effectively ending the bickering. Sean feels odd as he realizes that the note could even be from one of the girls currently applying makeup to his and Norman's faces.

This whole secret admirer thing makes him feel like he is back in middle school. It is fucking _weird._

~oOoOoOo~

When Norman stumbles back into the trailer after ten hours of filming, he is surprised to see a folded square of paper taped to the mirror, his name written on it in block letters. He peels it from the reflective glass and opens it. What he reads causes him to blush redder than a cherry.

_Dear Norman,_

_Fuck, I don't know how to say this. I mean, I see you so much. talk to you almost every day. But I can't articulate my feelings. Not in person, and not even by signing this letter._

_I am falling for you. At first I thought it was a passing crush – after all, you are insanely attractive – but it's becoming more. I care deeply about you, want you to be happy. I want to spend every moment with you. You have a quiet charm and wit about you… just being near you makes me happy._

_Then… well, then there's the fact you are a gifted, dedicated artist. You put time and effort into your work, and it comes out beautifully._

_Finally, there is your beautiful body. I was happy to see it all during that naked scene – you are, without a doubt, the older brother. Your pecs, thighs, arms… all so muscular and perfect. But it's your sweet, wonderful face that I picture late at night while I touch myself._

Billy did a spit-take when reading that, spraying a mouthful of beer on Willem.

_I can't help myself. When I think of you, I get so hard I have to give my cock some attention or it would explode._

It is Norman's turn to choke in surprise, though all he has to cough around is his own spit. It's a _man_ who's in love with him? Fuck. He doesn't know what to feel.

_I like to curl my fist tight and thrust into it hard, pretending it's your tight body. Or I press a long, thick dildo into myself, moaning your name and wishing it was your hot cock inside me._

There is more, but Norman is too scared to read it. Sure, people can jerk off to thoughts of whomever and whatever they want, but he doesn't want a graphic description of some guy his knows wanking to thoughts of him.

Eyes still wide in shock, he hands the letter to Sean when the elder walks in. the blond reads the letter quickly, frown deepening with each line. Norman is _his _friend; he doesn't want some random guy in the cast or crew masturbating to thoughts of the younger man.

"It's okay, Norm," he reassures his obviously freaked-out friend. "Look, we can figure out who did this. We'll take the letter to Troy…"

Norman shakes his head violently. "No. I'll never live it down if we show him," he says hastily. "Let's just… I'll forget about it, and I'll make sure I don't accidentally give any guy the slightest reason to think I'm into him."

~oOoOoOo~

Willem puts a bag down on his bed. "I can't believe I just bought this shit," he tells Billy. He starts pulling out the purchases one by one, naming each as he does so. "One dildo designed for 'perfect prostate stimulation,' one big-ass bottle of Astroglide, one copy of the _Powder _DVD, and one disc of _Young Indy._" He chews at his lip. "I feel a little bad doing this to Norm."

"If this doesn't work, we'll tell Sean that we were trying to embarrass Norman," Billy replies. "It will be okay, I promise. Now, let's squeeze maybe half of that lube into the sink. And put some lubey fingerprints on the DVDs and their cases. And wash the dildo with hand soap. Got to make everything appear to have been used… a lot."

Raising an eyebrow at how Billy thinks of everything, Willem goes into the bathroom and turns on the sink to wash down about half of the viscous lube. He then goes back to the bed and spreads some lube on his fingers before picking up and opening the DVD cases, as well as touching both of the discs. As the younger man does that, Billy takes the rather large, red dildo into the bathroom and washes it a couple of times with soap. He stops and dries it off when he's sure it no longer smells new.

"Right, I stole Norman's extra room key, so I think we're all set," Billy says. "Well, as long as they don't change their plans. But tomorrow is Friday, and they decided to watch movies in Norm's room days ago. They should stick to that."

~oOoOoOo~

"What movies should we watch?" Norman asks his best friend as they ride the elevator up towards his room. "We can watch as many as we want, since we don't have to be up early for work tomorrow."

Sean shrugs. "I don't care. You can pick, you know more about movies than I do," he says. "I just want to hang out, anyway. We usually talk so much that movies are just background noise."

The elevator chimes and the men step out when the doors open. They chat amiably as they go into Norman's room… and then Sean stops mid-sentence.

"What. The fuck," he says flatly. It's not even a question. His brain seems to shut down as he takes in the objects on his friend's bedside table.

A dildo. A half-used bottle of lube. DVDs. DVDs of stuff _Sean _is in.

"You fuckin' sicko," Sean says, backing up from the man whom, just moments ago, he considered his friend. "What the hell? You… you watch my movies and jerk off? Fuck yourself with a fucking piece of plastic?" He blanches as he sees what DVDs are there. "God, I was naked in this one!" he yells, picking up _Powder._

"I know this sounds impossible, but I have no idea where that shit came from," Norman says slowly.

Sean glares at the younger man. "Damn right it sounds impossible. That's because it _is_ impossibly. You fuckin' creep. You wrote that note, didn't you? That creepy-ass love note talking about my cock?"

"No!" Norman shouts indignantly. "I didn't! I got a creepy letter myself, if you remember!"

"You wrote it yourself," Sean says in disgust. "Probably got off doin' it, too. Christ. I didn't know my best friend was some freak of a whore who opens his legs for everyone."

"My legs are closed right now, asshole," Norman yells, nearly in tears. "And no matter how much you want them to open for you, they won't."

"I _don't_ want them to, you stupid fairy," Sean hisses. "Come on, can't you just admit you have a crush on me?"

At that exact moment, Norman has a private epiphany. He _does_ have a crush on Sean – that's why he thought he would date Flanery were either of them girls. Now he realizes he would date Sean as is, both of them males.

Blushing furiously, Norman draws himself up to full height. "Fine, I do like you, but you don't have to be such a fucking asshole about it!" he shouts.

The circuits in Sean's brain seem to fry at that moment. "You… you like me?" he repeats quietly. He never expected Norman to admit it.

"Not at the moment, but yeah," Norman says, a little more calmly. "That shit on the bedside table isn't mine, though. If I were secretly jerking off to your movies, which I'm not, I wouldn't leave evidence out when I knew you were coming over."

Sean takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. "You like me… romantically," he says, processing this information slowly. "Um, okay." He thinks for a moment over the past few days; of falling on top of Norman, of feeling possessive after that love note… of toning down his obnoxious behavior to make Norman more comfortable. All the signs point to… he can't be sure, though… unless…

"May I kiss you?" he asks Norman suddenly.

Norman sighs. "Sean, I appreciate you trying to make me feel better, but don't," he says, a little sadly. "Giving me a pity kiss is just going to make me feel worse."

"Stop being so self-centered," Sean says in exasperation. "This kiss would be for my benefit, not yours."

"Pretending you want it is mean, Sean. You're toying with my feelings."

"It's an experiment," Sean explains. "I have a hypothesis I need to test." He doesn't want to argue about it anymore, so he steps close to Norman, grabs his shoulders, and presses their lips together firmly.

Norman's eyes open as wide as dinner plates, but Sean's are closed. The expression on the older man's face seems relaxed, happy… but Norman is sure this is just wishful thinking on his part.

Sean's tongue snakes out of his mouth, and hesitantly probes at Norman's soft lips. Once the younger man parts his lips, Sean gently thrusts his tongue inside his mouth. A hand moves from Norman's shoulder to stroke softly through his dark hair.

After a few minutes, they break apart, panting a little. "That proved my hypothesis," Sean whispers, face just an inch from Norman's. "It felt right." He closes the tiny gap between their lips, this kiss a little more demanding and passionate.

Gripping Sean's belt loops tightly, Norman walks backwards until his knees hit the edge of the bed. He falls back onto the mattress, pulling Sean down on top of him. He isn't quite sure what he wants. He's physically attracted to Sean; he can finally admit that to himself. But does he want to have sex? Well… his cock certainly wants it. It's hardening rapidly, and he's petrified that Sean will feel it. What if the Texan is flaccid and laughs at Norman, or realizes he's with another man and stops? Norman doesn't think he can handle that.

When Sean feels a bulge pressing against his thigh, he pulls back from the kiss, grinning. Slowly, giving Norman ample time to pull away or tell him to fuck off, he reaches a hand down and places it on the younger man's groin, squeezing lightly.

Norman gasps and chokes back a groan. "Y-you don't have to do that," he stammers, still worried on some level that Sean is just doing this to make Norman feel better about being bi, or whatever he is for falling for the older man.

"I know I don't have to," Sean whispers, kissing Norman's jaw and squeezing again, this time more firmly. "But I want to. So unless you don't like or want it…"

"N-no, I do," the dark-haired man assures his costar. "I just… don't want you doing it because you pity me for having a crush or being pathetic."

Sean looks Norman right in the eye. "You aren't pathetic, and I don't pity you. I'd like to have some bedroom fun with you, but only as much as you're comfortable with." He kisses Norman once more. "So how far do we go?"

Norman shrugs, cheeks reddening a bit at the thought of telling Sean out aloud. "What are the options?" he mumbles.

"Hands, mouths, sex… or if you don't want that, dry-humping," Sean says, his tone matter-of-fact. "If you don't want that either, we can just kiss, then go our separate ways tonight to get rid of our boners."

"Um…" Norman knows what he wants, to start with, at least, but he isn't sure he has the guts to say it. Finally, face as red as a tomato, he mumbles something inaudible.

Eyebrows knitting together, Sean leans in. "What id you say?" he asks.

"W-we can take off our shirts if you want," Norman says quickly, trying to get all the embarrassment out at once. "But let's leave on our pants and just… dry-hump?"

Sean kisses Norman's face. "Whatever you want," he says, pulling off their shirts quickly before lying on top of the younger man once more and kissing him passionately.

Soon, their hips are rubbing together in need. Norman keens into the kiss as he hits a particularly good angle, and Sean gives a rumbling moan somewhere deep in his throat.

Norman breaks away from the kiss soon, hips still moving of their own accord. "Sean?" he gasps, pressing his face into the older man's neck. "I-I think I'm getting close?" Of course, he doesn't just think he's getting close to orgasm, he _knows_ it. But he doesn't want to say that to Sean. He's terrified the Texan will laugh and say he has no stamina at all.

"Fuck, Norm… me too," Sean grunts, biting his lip as he tries to rut himself to completion. In a minute, his face is scrunching up as he tries to hold back. He doesn't want to come yet, though he isn't sure why. But it is no use. With a sharp, wordless cry, he comes, hot and sticky, in his jeans. "Haah..!"

Norman loves hearing Sean sounds so beautifully pleasured like that, and it only takes him one thrust of his hips before he feels his tight balls release, and his boxers become wet with semen.

They lie there for a long while. They should get out of their come-covered jeans and they know it, but they don't. Sean is in too much of a post-orgasmic, blissful haze, and Norman is too embarrassed to get up and do it. Cuddled up into each other, they fall asleep happily.

**A.N.: **So. That's the end. Hope you liked it, and please review. I swear I'll work on FY soon. BUT. Here's the thing: they've got a dildo and a bunch of lube in there… so I can make this a two-shot. But only if you guys want it. That means you need to review and tell me yea or nay.


End file.
